Dear The Boundless World,
As I sit here by the water’s edge, the gentle lapping of the waves seems to echo the thoughts that have consumed me. These words are not as a cry for pity, but as a testament to the weight that has settled upon my heart, a weight I can no longer bear.
From the moment I drew my first breath, I was thrust into a world of expectations and limitations. I was told who I should be, how I should behave, and what I should desire. But like a caged bird, I yearned for the boundless sky, for the freedom to explore the depths of my own soul.
The more I trod the path prescribed for me, the more I felt like a mere spectator in my own life. Marriage, and motherhood—these were roles I was meant to embrace joyfully. And yet, the sense of entrapment grew stronger with every passing day. He came into my life like a tempest, stirring something within me that had long been dormant. With him, I discovered the intoxicating taste of passion. His touch awakened my senses, and for the first time, I felt truly alive.
But the world is a cruel mirror, reflecting back our flaws and transgressions. My pursuit of selfhood, of love, was met with disapproving stares and filled with awkwardness. The weight of society’s judgment bore down on me, a relentless force that threatened to crush the fragile bloom of my desires.
Through my brush, I found a way to let out the chaos within me, a way to express the swirling vortex of emotions that threatened to consume me. And yet, even in my art, I was confined by the rules of a world that could not comprehend the depth of my yearnings.
So, as I stand on the precipice of this abyss, I want you to know that my choice is not one of weakness, but of ultimate liberation. I cannot bear the weight of the roles I’ve been assigned any longer. I cannot bear the weight of a world that denies my very essence.
I go not in search of death, but of release—from the expectations, the judgments, and the unending struggle to fit within a mold that was never meant for me. As the waters embrace me, I hope they will carry my spirit to a place where I can be unburdened, where I can finally soar without constraints.
Remember me not as a tragedy, but as a soul who dared to confront the chains that bound us. May my story serve as a testament to the enduring human spirit, to the eternal quest for authenticity and freedom.
With all my love to the world,
Edna Pontillier