Government Promises to Resolve Housing Affordability Crisis by Any Means Possible
Ottawa, ON—In order to deal with the housing affordability crisis that has emerged in recent years, the Government of Canada has finally decided to take action in order to resolve this issue.
According to the Minister of Housing, the first part of the plan is to raise housing prices so that residents who are currently struggling to pay for housing would voluntarily choose to live on the streets. “We came to the conclusion that in order for no one to be struggling to pay for housing, the best way is to discourage people who can’t afford housing from living in one,” said the Minister of Housing. “We hope that by 2030, the number of people struggling to pay for housing will be one-tenth of what it is now.”
The Government also stated that besides the obvious fact that living on the streets costs less, it also allows people to connect to nature in a way they have never experienced before. Unlike living in a house, where the air is stuffy, living out on the streets allows people to experience nature at its finest. Whether it is raining or snowing, being homeless allows people to directly feel the different faces of nature.
Besides, the pandemic has clearly shown that getting together indoors can spread the disease, so people living on the streets will not have to follow the pandemic measures in place now and can convene in any numbers that they want.
After the Government resolves the housing affordability crisis, it will proceed to sell the now empty houses to the rich. Since the rich are able to afford the houses, there will be no issues regarding housing affordability.
This first part of the plan has already been implemented as of November 15th. One of the first people to experience the effects of this plan, Noah Holmes, describes his overall experience. “Before I became homeless, I was constantly worried about paying for rent and various other expenses. I was living paycheck to paycheck. But now that I no longer have to worry about money or household chores, I’m left with a lot of free time,” exclaimed Holmes. “I spend much of my time doing relaxing and leisurely activities such as looking for a nice spot on the streets to spend the night.”
The Minister of Housing also said that the second part of the plan involves encouraging people who are struggling to pay for housing to live with others who are also struggling to afford housing.
“Three or four families living together can split not only the housing costs but also the one bathroom and the two bedrooms in their house,” said the Minister of Housing. “This solution not only solves the affordability issue for several families at the same time, it also teaches them useful skills, such as the patience to wait for 30 minutes to use the washroom.”
The Government also encourages multi-family housing because living with other families also has many other perks, such as how there will never be the lonely silence that some people have to endure every day.
The last part of the Government’s plan is to construct new houses. According to the Minister of Infrastructure, the Government is currently planning to build a whopping number of 400 houses per hour to meet the demands of the 400 speculating billionaire families in Canada that buy a house every hour as an investment. “We are so worried about the lack of housing. I don’t know if I will be able to buy 24 houses today. There is a bidding war out there,” said billionaire and entrepreneur, William Landlord.