This personal narrative is written by one of my grade 7 students. He has aptly described a number of rising actions, which clearly portray his character, helping readers better digest the climactic scene. He has also used a number of literary devices, such as simile, and imagery, to help readers imagine the events in the story. Finally, he has presented his thesis clearly at the end of the story.
Multitask No More
My earliest memory is of cookies. I was crawling toward a cookie jar while trying to chase my mom at the same time. It did not work. I tripped and bumped my head and started crying.
Now, I was 11. I was on a trip to visit one of my friends in Vancouver. I was to stay there for about a month, seeing the sights and enjoying some of the fresh B.C. air. Flying from Toronto, I felt only very little jet lag, so I began having fun immediately! First, I went on a rowing tour of the ocean. We rowed for a million hours, by which time our whole group was exhausted. We all paused for a moment to eat our lunch. Well, almost all of us. I kept rowing on. “Come on, we can’t stop now!” I yelled as I bit into – my boat violently shuddered, as if it was alive, and my sandwich slid into the depths of the water. “Oops,” I managed to stutter.
A rower giggled.
After that fiasco, my family and I returned to the hotel. We got our keys from the front desk and made our way to our room. Nothing fancy, just 2 beds and a minuscule work desk. I leaned onto the bed, texting my friends and checking out the latest stories.
“Help me unpack!” my mother snapped.
“Ok, sure,” I mumbled.
I made a half-hearted gesture in the direction of the suitcases.
“Now, son!”
I inwardly groaned when I saw how much there was to unpack and organize. Suddenly, a text came in. I hurried to respond to it and accidentally tripped over a pair of stray shoes.
Over the course of the next few days, we had much more fun than on that first day. We visited an aquarium with my friend, Jack, where we saw Orcas do tricks. I also finished up my final homework assignments.
About a week later, a mysterious package the size of a backpack was delivered to our room. I was so excited that I wanted to open it right away! Immediately, my sister protested, demanding that she be allowed to open it. I refused, and an argument ensued. Eventually, we decided, my sister and I would open the package together after dinner. At the time, though, it was only about 3 o’clock. A long wait was ahead of us.
We went to a museum in the afternoon, and we explored ancient relics and dinosaur bones. My parent oohed and ahhed at every extravagant exhibit, pointing out details which were invisible to me. I paid as much attention to the exhibits as I would to the vegetables on my dinner table.
When we got back to the hotel, I rushed to the table where the package was. But then, Mom called me over to the door to carry in a backpack which we had used earlier in the day. Unfortunately, I tried to open the package while carrying it at the same time. The bag dropped, and the box slipped and landed on the floor, spilling all the contents out. Inside was nothing more than wrapping paper and a broken gift. My parents told me that they had mailed the package, hoping to surprise me.
The next few days, I sulked around and didn’t have fun, as I had harshly been taught a very important lesson: when you multitask, it won’t end well.